I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
