He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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