Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We're too hungover to prance.
We are all done wearing pants today
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
