i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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