i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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