I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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