remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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