I can tuck mytits in my pants
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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