He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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