This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This is the high leading the old right now
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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