Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
