hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
