Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
