Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
