You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
