You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
