i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
