i think my tv is drunk
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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