he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
