I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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