Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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