Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
