You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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