i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
