fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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