She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
