i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
