How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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