I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
