DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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