It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think weed is turning my hair brown
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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