Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
