dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
