Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
