Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
