I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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