As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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