If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
