I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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