Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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