just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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