I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
