Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I cockslap morals
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
