your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just pee around me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
