Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
