Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
