Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
