i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
