Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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