another moral hangover. fuck.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
