1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
