I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
