I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
