grandma shit on top of the toilet
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
