ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
