You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
