I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize