The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
