FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize