I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize