I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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