please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
