i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
