piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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