Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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