My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
well you can't waste a boner
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
