Do you still have your period?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
