Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
