honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
