He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
