go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
