Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
