these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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