He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
