I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
