that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
