I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the condom got lost in my hair
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
