All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
