I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
