if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
