I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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