well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
