Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
