Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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