Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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