You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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