i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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