Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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