never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
